The Funny Corner

See the funny side of life

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What do you call a smart blond?
A golden retriever..
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A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks
his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between
*potential* and *reality*?"
His father looks up thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it for you.
Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars.
Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your dad, but yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially we're sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with a couple of w*ores."
**********
What's worse than finding a worm in an apple?
Finding half a worm.
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A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the guy. "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening attire. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity." He reflects for a minute, then the senator answers, "Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...Today you voted for us!"
**********
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?" He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and (hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered the iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"
**********
Jane and her husband were having a little spat and were giving each other the silent treatment. During the week Sharon's husband had an important appointment and had to be at the airport in time. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 A.M." The next morning he woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 A.M., and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why Jane hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper on the bed.... It said in Jane's handwriting... "It is 5:00 A.M., wake up!"

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