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A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one
day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she
must speak with the president of the bank to open a
savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally
ushered her into the president's office (the customer
is always right!). The bank president then asked her
how much she would like to deposit. She replied,
"$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto
his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came
by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised
you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get
this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets?
What kind of bets?"
The old woman said,"Well, for example, I'll bet
you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet.
You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to
take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that
my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there
is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with
me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the
bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking
his balls, turning from side to side, again and again.
He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that
there was absolutely no way his balls were square and
that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little
old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's
office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and
repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's
balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady
asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The
president complied. The little old lady peered closely at
his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of
money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging
his head against the wall.
The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the
matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that
at 10:00 am today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's
balls in my hand."
*****************
Two gynecologists meet on a conference. As usual, they tell each
other what cases they have had the past year.
1: Well, I have had a patient with breasts, just like melons.
2: Incredible, so big?
1: Yes
2: But I had a patient with a clitoris, just like a lemon.
1: Waaw, so big?
2: No, so sour
***************
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his
neighborhood
bar and ordered a drink.
The bartender thought he looked worried
and asked.
"I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied.
"Some angry husband wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't
stop seeing his wife."
"So stop," the bartender said "
I can't," the womanizer replied, taking a long swill.
"The idiot didn't sign his name!"
****************
Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second...
*****************
If you can see it and it's there - It's real
If you can see it and it isn't there - It's virtual
If you can't see it and it's there - It's transparent
If you can't see it and it isn't there - It's g o n e
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